The thing about giving it your all.....

No, Izzletay, don't be an idiot.

Why is it that I'm scared of committing myself 100% to something?

There's that little bit in me that says, "well, your best just isn't good enough".

So now that I am actually focussed, I'm having a lot of these situations:

Alright, let's do spesh. I'm motivated, I'm going to do this!

It's too hard, I can't do it.

Alright, there's no point being depressed about your lack of natural ability in everything, if you're not going to do some productive spesh work, move on to a different subject.

Right, you're right. Why did I even start off with spesh? So off-putting. Jeez. Okay, let's go to methods. :) Should be done in half an hour.

Holy moly. Have never known methods to be so difficult. :(

Chem notes it is then.

*10 min later* Well... everyone's been telling me to focus on chem questions, not notes. Okay, let's do some of thushan's book.

Fricking hell. Yeah, okay let's not. :S Let's step down to checkpoints lol
Lol I can't even do checkpoints. So screwed. Maybe I need notes first.
nahhh.... english esssay! your favourite subject :)

*30 min into language analysis*
This is boring. Snack time!

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And that's how it goes.

Now that I'm actually applying myself to each subject, I've started to realise how little I actually know about some subjects (i.e. chemistry and spesh).

And surviving on 6 hours of sleep, forcing myself to study 5 hours a day on weekdays,
what if I don't get a "good" atar?
Yes, I do have silly standards.... but honestly, I would kind of like to get a 90.
(NO ONE COMMENT SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT PLEASE. I don't want your sympathy... or your mockery xD <3)
Screw the top top atars - i'm not deserving of that and I don't need that.
I just need high enough to keep my parents sane.

Anyway, what was the point of this update? oh yesss.....
what if my best is not good enough? that's what I'm meant to say.

Well, I think sometimes,
"good is better than perfect,
scrub till your fingers are bleeding"
and I will have the satisfaction of knowing I gave it my best shot.
I guess I could say I'm crying with insight too. :')