Hello and welcome to the crazy world of my brain.
Follow me if you like the way I think. ;) (that sounded sleazy, wasn't meant to be and I will just shut up now)

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Scrivi qualcosa....

Okay. What is there to say? Besides the fact that the pressure has doubled. :s Alright, no irc for the rest of the term. I need to stop craving human contact. Lol i sound like a pedophile... Or a human-loving alien. I can do this. So it is for sure a sign that things are getting serious when the first random curry calls your house to check up on your progress. :( I don't want to be surveyed in fascination as i do this. Things that i want to achieve the best in, i need to put 300% into. The way I did for health last year. It's difficult i know, when the world is watching over my shoulder. I can not fail. I can not trip and fall. :/ I want to make my parents proud, but more importantly, myself proud. It's not about onions anymore (besides differentiation). It's about myself. JP-style, it's that internal turmoil that I need to fight. "whats the point? You work hard enough for 30s", says my cocky brain. "that will get you into your course." NOOOO. That's not enough, brain. And you know it when I get back an A and want to throw a brick at myself for my own lack of commitment. I need to achieve the best I can for MYSELF. And there is absolutely no guarantee of getting into prosthetics and orthotics. I need to work myself harder. Sure, I'm not aiming for med but that doesn't mean it is opportunity to slack off. Also, I need to work on being a better person. I can't do it anymore, I can't be a bitch and pretend it doesn't hurt me more than it hurts them. :(((( In all honesty, I could never hate anyone else. It's more a cycle of self-hatred that I find myself in. Like right now. Deep down, I am not as cocky as I appear. So i'm sorry to the people that I have hurt this year, even unintentionally. I'm sorry for the times when you've thought, 'tisara is a b*tch! Oh well, i will get over it this time.' Well, I don't claim to be perfect, and I'm not really a 'strive for perfection' person, More than that, I want to achieve my personal best. And if that best gets me a B, so be it. i like being content with myself much more than striving for the possible 100%. That doesn't mean I don't work hard, it just means I still care about myself. You can never fully love other people if you can never completely love yourself.
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4 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 18, 2012 at 3:26 AM

    Hello izzletay. I know how much you love yet hate random internet people, so I'll try keep it short.

    Whatever you are doing, whether it is school, university or working at some hi-fi company, give it your best! If you give it your best, no regrets whatsoever! How many people are there that do not give it their best and moan later on, "Oh, if only!". That is the spirit, go out in full force, do what needs to be done! Everyone and anyone is capable of everything and anything! Tripping is hard on the mind and soul, but getting up after the fall, facing the challenge face-on with nothing but determination, baring your teeth at it, now that takes guts

    From the perspective of an Internet person, you are not cocky, more so the opposite! Cocky people do not admit that they are arrogant, no no! Modesty is such a rare trait these days; those who are actually modest are labelled by others as arrogant and proud, whereas if you truly peer deep inside them, they care not for themselves, but for their friends and peers, putting themselves and their ambitions down to help others. Such people are rare indeed. Everyone these day seeks attention for their own needs/worries, but then there are those people who people who only care for the worries of others, not for their own. Ah, the good old days.

    Wise statement, you can't love others without loving yourself; I don't fully agree with it, but I see the logic. Your inner core of friends will always love you, no matter what. That's what separates the inner core from the random friends. And there will always be the other random people who love you and support you! So keep it up!

    End of rant on random blog!


    Da Internet Stranga.
    Being strange on the Internet since forever~

    ReplyDelete
  2. IzzletayJune 18, 2012 at 4:53 AM

    In awe :O
    .
    .
    .
    Thanks, Internet Stranga.
    I agree, my logic is flawed. Once I wrote it, I knew it wasn't entirely true.
    I think I know exactly who you are :P but if you don't want to tell me, that's cool too.
    Thanks for the essay :)

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  3. AnonymousJune 19, 2012 at 1:37 AM

    Sorry Izzletay, you do not know me. I am just Da Internet Stranga, nothing more, nothing less! Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  4. IzzletayJune 19, 2012 at 3:46 AM

    Awwww really? Well im honoured that you would take an interest in my bland life xD

    ReplyDelete

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