response to something I read online....

Dear person whom I love very much,

You have a gift.
You have a talent for generating an emotional response from me.
Even in the moments when I think that you don't care about me and I don't care about you, somehow you always manage to remind me that you are an important friend who will always be a part of my life, unless you decide to forget me.


You don't actually know how much it hurts me to read your posts sometimes, but it's your blog, of course, and you shouldn't feel like you need to censor your stream of thoughts to avoid hurting people's feelings. Besides, I'm someone who tends to believe strongly that I can not blame others for hurt that was created in my mind, through my own decision to be affected.

Regardless of everything that has happened in the last 3 years, you can't give up on your dream.

You have courage that I could never dream of.
I could never dream of aiming for 99+, because I don't have enough faith in my own hard work delivering to be able to reap the results.

It's like a given that you will get an awesome atar score, you can't give up on that!

You know the reason why I chose prosthetics and orthotics in year 10? I looked at the atar score - 80.05 at the time. It looked achievable.
You, on the other hand, (oh yes, I remember this day in accurate detail), were sitting next to me, proudly telling me that you were going to be a barrister.
If I had the same motivation and determination that you had possessed back then, I would be aiming for veterinary science right now, not prosthetics and orthotics.

Don't throw it away.

But of course, it's all up to you. And I'm ordering you around, I'm not trying to control you like you believe everyone does.

Sometimes I don't understand it though. If you want to be in control, why do you let it control you? Sometimes I think it provides with a false security blanket. It lures you in, promising you things which of course, are achievable, however in the wrong way.

I'm probably overstepping here, sorry. Anyway, I will never understand it truly. I can relate, I can relate to a bit of BDD too, and OCD. and bipolar. I can relate to looking in the mirror and thinking stupid things like, "my elbows always make my lines look harsh, I will never be a good dancer". awesome, I've just confessed online that I am a complete mental case. Out of love for you <3

Anyway, at the end of the day, you and I both know that atar is not going to determine our lives.
At the end of the day, 99.95 or 50, we'll all fall into another craphole for at least 4 more years.
That's just the way life is. :\

However, there is a trip to italy to look forward to. :D

I hope this kind of made you feel better/ think. I want to give you some happiness, or some respite at least (a "brief respite" is better than a "drugged serenity" of course, as Anna Frith would say) :)

You, my friend, have faced more terrors than a warrior.