The time has come.... for motivation posting.

So people who are new to my blog (and certainly not dramaqueen, who has been lurking here since 2010 ;D),
This is the part of the year (it has become an annual ritual) where I start freaking out about the fact that
I
am
not
going
to
do
as
well as i want to.

Come on Izzletay.
So you haven't done year 12 the way you had always imagined it to be;
Like back in year 10 when you imagined that you would work harder than before in year 11.
Then you went into year 11 and tried to muster up that year 10 spirit to get you through the year.

Now it's time to face year 12, Izzletay.

It is time for me to realise that
at the end of this year, the 17th of December exactly,
these four digits will be released.
And although it is no definition of my intelligence whatsoever,
it will matter for the next year in the curry community.

Also, the other person who pops to mind is my primary school teacher.
She is expecting me to ace. Like, my mum, she expects me to extremely well, she told me today.
But it's nothing on what my primary school teacher expects of me.
She was the one who got me off facebook in the first place.
Then I ended up loitering around like an internet junkie, getting high on any new site that I happened to discover along the way of my high school journey. Including;
YahooAnswers (where I met atekays)
lj o.O
THIS. RIGHT HERE.
msn
ddn
mugglenet lol ;)
and so much more that I have fortunately forgotten. Thank god.
Well, of course, the thing I am most addicted to shouldn't even be mentioned by name coz I don't want people to google it and end up on my blog lol XD
Anyway, I've gotten myself banned from that so that hurdle has been crossed.

Come on, Izzletay.
This is the very last yard.
This is the last 8 weeks that you have to sit in classes,
and listen obediently,
and having to walk past the sniggers of the little kids in younger year levels,
and contribute to religion class discussion (when you have begun to deeply oppose religion as a subject)
and apologise profusely to teachers who bully you into making you feel as if defying them is like... defying some divine force or something and now you are going to rot in hell for your lack of respect.

Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of this thing they call, "school".
It's funny, coz in year 8 when all the teenyboppers were saying, "oh, I'm so over school, I just want to be free",
I was thinking, "hey. it's not that bad. Not everyone gets this opportunity for education and we are so lucky to have it."

I guess that's what I lost.
That global perspective.
The more I wallowed in my own pain, the more I forgot to be grateful for the simple things.
Like this year.

I am so blessed,
to have this opportunity at education.
I am so blessed to have amazing food at my table every night (good lord, all I think about is food).
I am so blessed to have family and amazing friends.

I need to make the most of my life.

"We have crap teachers"
"I go to a crap school"
^ ALL JUST EXCUSES.

My prime inspiration right now is lotzalaughs,
the girl who was my friend when no one else was (and I can't forget her for that reason).
Lol, the story there is,
I was basically the weirdo year 8 who followed around this year 10, who was considerate enough to be nice to me. :)
When I was in year 9, she had a blog just like this (but.. more entertaining lol) and she let me read it.
Besides inspiring me to start my own lame blog, it was an incredible read. I would link it to you but she deleted it.

Anyway, I texted her today.
Her contribution to my ongoing inner turmoil about universities was:
"melbourne!"

But I need to aim higher if I want to follow her example.
I guess ever since I was younger, she's been someone I looked up to. And even now, she does influence me a lot.

And my mum.
When I confessed to her that I have been low since the chem exam, her response was,
"I thought you were a bright child. How could you let something so little set you back like that? It just means you have to work harder."

My mum is amazing proof that you don't have to be a university graduate to be knowledgeable. Knowledgeable about life. :)

Anyway, it's time for me to go to bed so i can piece together the procrastination rubble tomorrow morning.