Wake up call.

"You do more work than anyone else I know."





Receiving that in a text nearly made me cry.
Because...
I do more work than most people, true. Not all, just most.
I get 6 hours of sleep these days.
I get home, I have a shower, I study and study and may text someone if I feel isolated, but then I keep working. I homework, I study, I'm trying to prepare for exams.

But I don't get the marks I think I deserve.

See, all this time, I've been thinking I'm doing fine in my year 12 subject,
when in fact I'm a B student.

I've never been a B student before.

Now I understand if anyone reading this is going, "What's wrong with a B? I'd be happy with a B. Another whiny b*tch of a nerd complaining about the half mark she lost."
^^
I agree, when someone complains about a half mark, it does get a little annoying. I have done it maaaaany times, but I vow never to do it again.


The only thing that keeps me at school is knowing that by the end of it, I will be helping young children, people who thought they could never walk again, teenage girls diagnosed with scoliosis, elderly with back conditions, children who were born missing limbs, adult survivors of car accidents and so many more.




I can honestly say I have never wanted anything so badly in my life.
And it's coming to the point where it's not enough to simply want things in life anymore.
Dancing taught me that if I wanted something, I have to earn it.
School teaches me that even if I want something and work as hard as I can to earn it,

there's still no guarantee.



What happened today kind of went like this,
I had a realisation that though I am getting 80s in my year 12 subject,
that equates to something like a B when we are marked on the Bell Curve, as we are in VCE.

I'd like to think that there is a lot of room for improvement,
but my friend is kind of right.
I work pretty hard.
What am I supposed to do, take more hours of sleep for study?
Quit my job so I'll have time to study?
Quit dancing?

It's like I've reached a dead end.
BUT
I am going to jump over the fence and get to where I want to be.

Because I can't imagine a future for me other than Orthotics and Prosthetics.
That is the only place I see myself. And ever will see myself.