So today, (as of course, everyday I seem to come up with innovative ways to procrastinate -.-)
I dragged out those grade 8 RAD results that I had cried over last year.
Well, it wasn't all that bad. I should have been quite happy with it, considering the difficulty of the exam and the fact that it was only my third RAD exam. :)
I guess it was some arrogance last year - after obtaining a distinction the year before, I guess I relaxed and thought I was in the "distinction club" now or something.
IT IS A LESSON. To prepare me for next year, which actually does matter a lot.
But I do remember how I felt that day.
pretty much the same as how I feel through any ballet exam.
When I am in only a pair of tights and a skimpy leotard,
having to express myself while an old woman marks me on technique and expressiveness (yes, you actually get marked for it),
the pressure is intense.
And my insecurities show themselves.
The thoughts that basically flowed through my head that day:
"Maybe she's prejudiced against dark skin."
That day, the lady's first glance at me was kind of... scathing. Actually, all her looks were like that.
The bits of technique that I was confident with, she didn't even look up for, because she was so busy writing down everything she probably didn't like.
Of course, it was probably only in my head that she minded the fact that the salmon pink of my tights doesn't match the brown of my skin.
Don't get me wrong - I love my skintone. :D
Of course, there were better exams.
In the preparation leading up to the exam, I had been forcing my turnout.
None of my teachers noticed, but I knew I was doing it.
Leading up to the exam, my ankles started to ache in class.
Day of the exam, I danced through agony. I couldn't turn out properly on the day.
That exam result was quite good though, despite the 20 comments of "work on turn out".
Next year, my intermediate exam,
it must be incredible.
I know it will be. :)
Looking at the last two exam results, I can see a definite pattern.
My strengths are contemporary (haha as I always wished) and musicality. I need to work on turnout in jumps, stretch my supporting leg in arabesques, use inner thighs more.
Anyway, reflecting on all of this, I was also thinking about the fact that chemistry exam results come out tomorrow.
I literally just heaved a sigh.
Yes, it will be a bitter disappointment.
But that is another dance has taught me; the things you love the most you work hardest for. If you were naturally just pro at it, what would be the fun in that?
So I need to take my exam result, and KEEP AIMING HIGH.
I need to attack the end of year exams, not be disheartened.
Like my mum would say, "I thought you were a smart girl. It's stupid to get disheartened by a setback."
And it is so very true!
My first ever ballet exam, I also experienced that feeling of, "I did well... but not well enough."
The second, I came back and attacked it!
The third, I got too comfortable.
It's time to stop taking good marks for granted.
It's exactly the same scenario with my vce.
Last year, worked my butt off, got a good mark, now I think that I'll pass without effort?
Oh you arrogant little pr*ck.
Oh Tisara <3
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