in a state of panic......

At long last,
I am panicked.
Panicked about the fact that I am going to fail my chemistry exam.
As well as the fact that I have an english sac this week that I know I will probably just end up winging....

This year sucks. And it's going so fast.

The only things I'm looking forward to are... my chem exam, madge's 18th and the formal.
Lol after that I will probably go insane.
aahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaa my life is a hole. Like every other year 12 student.

I can't wait until next year, when I actually will get to study what I want to study :D
waking up every day to learn things that relate to the career I want to pursue...
It's a luxury that I am too frightened to even think about.
I'm not relying on the fact that I'm going to get in.
But I need to work to harder in order to get in.

My future is currently in my hands.
I know it's melodrama... when every year 12 of the past two years has told me that it doesn't matter, you can do whatever you want once you get into uni.
But I need life to run smoothly... and if a little extra effort into my schooling is what will help the next 5 years of my life run pretty smoothly, why not?

Ambition is what I am lacking at the moment.
My goals are kind of... fading.
Every time I do a sac, I think "i am going to fail."

I need a reality check.

A B is not a fail.

Neither is an E.

I can't change the marks I have received.
but I can improve on my overall marks in my next sacs.
Which is what I intend to do.

I am trying to refrain from irc (lol) and msn.
I am trying to refrain from youtube.
The more I study chem, the more I realise I actually know nothing.

It's time to pull my act together.
There are 24 days until the chem exam.
And at this rate, realistically, I know I am looking at a D. If I study at this pace.
I need to study. i need to cram.
I know I think I can't cram, but everyone else is capable, so I need to start trying.
There are three weeks, it won't even be proper cramming. I have time to learn things properly. Not in overly generous detail, but in quite enough detail.

This is year 12... I can't expect to fumble around and get good marks. It doesn't work that way.

I have retreated back to my oldschool journal diary of the paperback form.
Some things can't be shared on the internet. :)

Good luck to everyone cramming for midyears!