selflessness, help needed and my responses to it all.

I've been slapped.
In the figurative sense, of course.

Reading my best friend's blog (not for stalking, so I will not link), I remember the person I used to be.

And then I look at myself and reflect on what I've become;
hungry for good marks.
selfish.

It's ironic that I have to be selfish to get to a selfless future.
But you don't have to be.



My best friends are amaaaaazing.
and I need to be there for them.
Sure, it's going to mean I may have to sacrifice a few points of the old atar
but even if I don't get as high as I would want, it will be okay because I can look back and think about how I made a difference in their lives.

This is what was missing for the last few weeks.

I forgot this.

I was aiming for myself and to get where I want to be.
I was selfish.

So I'm not going to be a doctor,
but it will be okay. :)

From now on, I'm going to try to be there for people if they need me.
However, on one condition;
if you need help, I am most happy to be your shoulder to cry on or your emotional support.
If you need help, you need to let me know.
Because my intuitions will truthfully be out of focus this year.

Reading my friend's entries revoked my... "bleeding heart".
My bleeding heart had close for the summer.
But now it is reopen.
I'm talking about feeling other people's emotions, even if it does cause yourself pain.

I've been slapped in the face and made to face what was missing from my life;
empathy.

it's a middle path we need to follow - a balance between focus and disenchantment. Selfishness and selflessness.

There hasn't been as much "screwed crap" in my head ever since I came back from the meditation retreat. I don't really tend to overthink things as much anymore.. I've gained an acceptance for the way the world is, how I must fit in some places and detach in others, and my own journey.
Of life, that is.

Now it's time to refocus.
Two things this year:
loving kindness.
and
career aims.

As much as I say the two oppose each other, in actual fact, I can make them fit quite nicely. And I will make them fit.

This is not to say that I'm going to forget myself altogether;
Yes, this year will be different. Yes, I will studying like a mad cow and antisocialising like a wombat.
However, if people need help, that will still be on my agenda.

Lilwiseone has a good point. I can't quote her directly but I know what she means.
I'd like to thank her for telling me what I had to find out for myself the hard way.

What am I talking about? What did I find out?
Balance.  If I can master balance now, I will be able to use these skills for the rest of my life.

So to anyone who desires my help this year:
My heart will walk alongside yours.
When you stumble, if in awareness, I will help you up.
However you also need to focus on being independent and strong and empowering yourself,
Because pffffft don't give me more power than I need or deserve.
The mind is a gift... but also a hazard.