Therapy Series 6: I wish things were simple.

Mood music: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rIs2S2WH7M 

I feel like I'm drowning at the moment.

Drowning in feelings?

There's like:

lies trust confusion relationships family siblings isolation depression sadness despair fate shame 

Have you ever felt like

you just want to give up?

Where is that easy way out?

And I'm not talking suicide, of course.

I just want things to be good,

for everyone around me,

ultimately I guess because that makes me happy.

Does that make me selfish?

yes.

I feel like I'm living a soap opera right now.

People are trusting me for advice.

So much is going on that it is insane.

Sometimes I just want to cut things off.

Make drastic changes,

Rebel a little.

I don't really know what I want.

I guess it's all a part of being 16.

The difference between being 15 and 16 is that suddenly,

there is a lot more of a maturity expectation on you.

15 was still young enough to get into things on a child ticket.

16 you're old enough to drive and in some cases, to start thinking about serious relationships.

Life is confusing.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if all my friends were taken away from me.

As a teenager, everything is confusing.

You're trying to grow up,

but not trying to go overboard trying to grow up.

Then chuck in all the stuff parents come up with.

Their opinions can be a bit old-fashioned and may not apply now,

but then you step back sometimes and wonder whether maybe they do know best.

How do you know what is right?

There used to be a time in grade 5 health that we were told that one day in our adolescence, our friends would be closer to us than family. ;)

And I thought that time would never come.

And now...

It's like life revolves around friendships.

And the only association with family is at dinner, if you even have that together.

You spend time with friends just to escape the awkwardness of being with family.

Then you start to think... your friends are your family.

The thing I forget in this scenario is that friends can be temperamental.

And though you have fights with family, you always end up resolving things, just because you have to get along.

With friends however, there isn't that commitment.

Which is what makes keeping friends closer than family scary.

Everything in life is impermanent and I always keep that in mind.

Haloman said that he doesn't look on the positive side of things because he will never be let down.

I remember when I used to think like that.

Then I lost that view,

I started to rely on my friends and trust them with my heart more.

Cookie said that if you keep giving away pieces of your heart, when you meet the person that you will want to spend your life with, you will only have a small piece of your heart left.

If this is true, all of my heart that I will have left is a slither. A tiny, delicate piece.

And I am going to do my best to protect that.